Out With the Old....In With the New

My.... how that title fits the changing of this year. Typically, my blogs are more "spiritual" but today I am just going to blog about the "stuff" in my life. On December 20, 2008, I lost my precious Sadie Girl. It was one day after her 6th birthday. It just went by so fast. I am simply devasted. She was my love, my comfort and my joy. I looked forward to any time I had off just to be at home with Sadie and Jake. For those of you who aren't dog lovers, I don't expect you to understand. I guess because I don't have kids, I have filled my need to nurture with my fur kids. We now have two new puppies named Daisie and Duke. So, the passing of 2008 is symbolic of her passing and the new lives we will now pour into.

The year 2009 will bring my 40th birthday which, to me, symbolizes the passing of my youth. That is probably a twisted thought but it is a little sobering to think I could have very well spent half of the years I've been given to live. Have I been a good steward? I don't feel like I've done enough or attained the spiritual level of maturity I think I should be at by now. My...how the years have "raced" by. Seriously, I have NO IDEA where the last 10 years went. It is a weird feeling to feel the same inside yet look in the mirror and see how the outside has changed. I hope that spiritually that is not the case. The Word says that while our outward bodies are perishing, our spirits are being renewed day by day. I hope my spirit man is being renewed and changed. I was thinking today that if I gave the Lord half of the attention I give my dogs......! I feel that I still struggle with junk that I struggled with 20 years ago. UGH! Nothing is ever good enough...I never measure up. Same old story. The story of my life. A spirit of condemnation. Lord, loose me from these chains that keep me from joy and freedom.

I really want to learn to enjoy my life as well as all of this newness I will be experiencing. I want to see these things as a blessing not a burden. I've read all this stuff on the internet about how shouln't raise two puppies at the same time. Why didn't I do my homework? Actually, I didn't want two. My husband did. So now I'm scared to death it's going to be a chaotic nightmare. I'm not very good with change. Actually, I hate it. I am completely a creature of habit - very boring, too serious, too analytical and very predictable. I'm thinking "what was I thinking - getting two puppies?" I was already on the edge of insanity. This is sure to send me over. Training one dog much less two is A LOT of work and takes A LOT of time. I surely didn't have much of that to spare to begin with....but dogs are so much comfort. Is that selfish? Will this cost me more time that I should be spending with God? I always think/feel that God is not pleased with me. I guess I put so much pressure on myself that I can neveer just enjoy the moment(s) I'm in and then I blink my eyes and those precious moments have gone.

"This day is fragile, soon it will end
And once it has vanished it will not come again
Let us share love, let us share God
Before this day is gone

This day we're given is golden
Let us show love
This day is ours for one moment
Let us sow love

This day is fleeting, it will pass by
And before it's too late to recapture the time
Let us share love, let us share God
Before this day is gone"

Mary or Martha?

Luke 10:41-42 "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her".

In this story, Mary had the attitude, "I can eat later; right now Jesus is talking and I want to hear Him". More often that not, I find myself saying, "I can spend time with Jesus later; right now I have so much to do". How many times have I neglected fellowship with the lover of my soul when I hear Him whispering, "leave that behind and come away with me"?

Once again, I have busied myself with the temporary to the neglect of the eternal. I want to blame my attitudes and frustrations on everyone else around me even though it is really due to a lack of my own refreshing - not renewing my mind like I know I should. I have replaced my time of fellowship with Him with the works of my hands and therefore I have spent all of my strength. I often reason that I just don't have time but the truth is we all have time for what we MAKE time for.

I realized after a lot of reflection this weekend how very SELF-CENTERED my thought patterns have become, how sorry I feel for myself, how negative and critical I've been. I can say that I trust in the Lord when all of my circumstances are within my control, when all of my loved ones are acting like I think they should act, when my body is healthy and my job is secure, etc. I also realized how much work it is to maintain the appearance of anything....your body, your house, success, being "spiritual". We can be so busy keeping up the outward appearance that the inward part of us is a mess. Keeping up appearances drains us of the energy we need to change. Our culture rewards achievement and appearance, but God rewards faithfulness and substance.

If allowed, the demands and pressures around you will always usurp your priorities and disorder your day. Why do I continue to allow that? Why do you?