Denial

Disables our feelings
Energy lost
Negates growth
Isolates us from God
Alienates us from our relationships
Lengthens the pain

Denial does not protect us from our pain. In reality, denial allows our pain to fester and grow and turn into guilt and shame. We are "as sick as our secrets". We cannot grow until we are willing to step out of denial and into the truth.

As It Was In The Days of Noah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Shi8fPtjFdc

People Get Ready

Last night I had dinner with my mom and dad at Ruby Tuesdays in Summerville and we were talking about some of the connections we've made with old friends through Facebook. The mention of one of these friends brought to mind a story that brought a lot of laughs at the time. I don't recall how old I was.....maybe in the 9-11 year old range, but it was a Sunday evening after church was over and it was dark outside. My parents were still in the church for some reason. They were always church workers so we usually arrived early and stayed late. I was out in the parking lot and there were only 2 or 3 cars left. I didn't see anyone around. All of a sudden, I heard this trumpet start playing (and it was loud). I remember how fast my heart started racing because I thought Jesus was returning. It turns out, it was our trumpet player practicing a few runs. I don't know where in the world he came from because as far as I knew, I was out there alone. I can also remember times when I couldn't find my parents and thinking the rapture had occurred and I had been left behind. As funny as that seems now, I was thinking today that I honestly cannot remember the last time I've heard anyone mention the return of Jesus....maybe not since the "Left Behind" books were released.

This past Sunday's sermon was on death and being prepared for it. Whether we leave this earth through the gate of death or live to see the Second Coming of Jesus, we must ask ourselves, "are we ready"? Why has the church, God's people, stopped talking about this?

Tonight, one of my band members brought me a CD of some songs by Misty Edwards. One of the songs was called "People Get Ready". I listened to it on the way home and it literally shook me to the core. I had chills running up and down my spine. If you choose to look it up and give it a listen, I will warn you, it will probably be different than anything you've ever heard.

He's coming! Awake, awake O sleeper.
He's coming! He's alive.
Jesus of Nazareth, Son of David, born to be a King
Prepare the way.....people get ready
Surely He is not a man that He should lie.
He said he would come again and He will surely come again....
People get ready!
Fully a man but born to be a King - He's coming!
He's alive. Look upon the one we've pierced.
Who is this King of Glory? Jesus! Messiah!
The root and the offspring of David.
I can hear the rhythm of the Lion of the Tribe of Judah!
The same way He ascended He will descend again.
Are you ready?
He's not a baby in a manger anymore!
He's not a broken man on a cross!
He didn't stay in the grave and He's not staying in heaven forever!
People get ready..... Jesus is coming!
Take the scroll and open the seals and come back for your people.
He is alive. People get ready. Jesus is coming!
People are walking around with their fingers in their ears
Singing da, da, da, da - I don't want to hear the sound of the coming of the King.
Are you ready, are you ready for this?


According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.
– 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17

Co-Dependency

On the surface, co-dependency sounds like "christian teaching". Codependents always put others first before taking care of themselves. (Aren't Christians to put others first?) Codependents give themselves away. (Shouldn't Christians do the same?) Codependents martyr themselves. (Christianity honors its martyrs.)

As a codependent you:

*assume responsibility for others' feelings and behaviors.
*feel guilty about others' feelings and behaviors.
*have difficulty identifying what you are feeling.
*have difficulty expressing feelings
*are afraid of your own anger, yet sometimes erupt in rage.
*worry about how others may respond to your feelings, opinions and behavior.
*have difficulty making decisions.
*are afraid of being hurt/rejected by others.
*minimize, alter or deny how you truly feel.
*are very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
*are afraid to express differing opinions or feeling.
*value others opinions and feelings more than your own.
*put other people's needs and desires before your own.
*embarrassed to receive recognition, praise or gifts.
*judge everything you think, say, or do harshly, as never "good enough".
*are a perfectionist.
*are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
*do not ask others to meet your needs or desires.
*do not perceive yourself as lovable or worthwhile.
*compromise your own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.

In it's broadest sense, codependency can be defined as an addiction to people, behavior or things. Codependency is the fallacy of trying to control interior feelings by controlling people, things and events on the outside. To the codependent, control or the lack of it is central to every aspect of life.

Celebrate Recovery

For years, I had an uncle who struggled with drug and alcohol addiction. I saw him repeatedly try and fail to get free. I watched the roller coaster ride from a distance. Recently, I got to talk to him during my dad's open heart surgery and could tell things were REALLY DIFFERENT. Not just as far as the addiction was concerned, but his whole attitude. He was truly radiating Jesus. I just couldn't believe it. I asked him about it and he told me about a group called "Celebrate Recovery" that meets at Seacoast Church in Mt. Pleasant on Friday nights. So tonight, I decided I would attend this group called "Celebrate Recovery". My whole reason for going was to "help a friend" with "her problem" and just be there for support. Boy, was I in for a surprise. For years, I have wondered what was wrong with me (smile), but seriously, I think I found a real answer. I am co-dependent. Nice. Great "label". Now I'm "sick"......but really, aren't we all? If you are wondering what co-dependency actually is, read on:

Codependency - What is it?
Codependency is when a person has a strong desire to control people around them, including their spouse, children or co-workers. Codependents believe they are somehow more capable than others, who need their direction or suggestions to fulfill tasks they are responsible to complete. They feel compassion for people who may be hurting and feel they should be the one to help them. Codependent people give of their time, emotions, finances, and other resources. They have a very difficult time saying "no" to any requests made of them.

Codependency - A Matter of Control
Codependency, for others, doesn't express itself in a desire to control, but instead, in the need to be controlled by others. Because it is nearly impossible for Codependents to say "no" to people, they may find themselves the victims in physically and emotionally abusive relationships. They believe that if they can be good enough, or loving enough, they can change the other person's behavior. They sometimes blame themselves for the abusive behavior: "If only I had not forgotten to do the dishes, he would not have had to hit me."

Codependency causes internal struggles with the opinions of others and cannot make decisions as a result. Codependents may make decisions based on what they think other people want them to do. They are never happy because they spend all of their time trying to make everyone around them happy. While they may believe that their motive for helping people is compassion, in reality they are doing it because they want love or approval.

Codependency can also cause struggles in the area of time management. Codependents may feel they never have enough time to fulfill all of their commitments because they have made too many. The most important commitments and relationships are often neglected because they are too busy helping other people, participating in multiple activities, and running from one event to another throughout the week. This also relates to their inability to say "no" when asked to volunteer, attend a function, or help a friend. The idea of not volunteering, not helping or not attending is unthinkable. They may believe they are not being responsible, not being a good friend, or not being a good person if they refuse any requests. However, many of those situations and relationships leave them feeling hurt, angry, or resentful.

Codependency - The Questions

Do you find yourself having a hard time making decisions so you make them based on other people's opinions?

Is it important to you that people like you and want to be your friend?


Do you have a strong desire to help others, but deep down you know you do it so that they will like or love you?

Do you seem to notice everyone else's problems and have a need to tell them what you think they should do to solve them?


Do you feel anxious, angry or upset when people don't do things you want them to do, or do things the way you want them to do them?

Do you find yourself in relationships where you do all the giving and the other person does all the taking?


Are you involved in activities that demand all of your time and energy and you are neglecting your family or yourself?

http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/codependency-recovery.htm

If any of you suffer from an addiction of ANY KIND, I strongly encourage you to "Celebrate Recovery". There are so many testimonies of freedom. This group started out of Rick Warren's church who authored the book "The Purpose Driven Life".

While I am a little overwhelmed by this co-dependency thing, I am excited to know what I'm dealing with and begin my road to recovery through the power of Jesus and the Cross.

Passion or The Motions

The other day, Ricci said to me "you don't get excited about anything".....and boy, did that my attention. I had to stop and think about that. I really don't get excited about anything. I remember when my dad bought me my first car, I just kind of stood there, looked at it and said, "thanks". I'm not your jump up and down, "contagious" kind of person. My moods and emotions rarely swing. I'm pretty much the same all of the time. I might describe myself as boring and yet I would like to think that makes me real easy to live with. :) I don't know. Nevertheless, his comment got me thinking about "passion" - a powerful or compelling emotion, fire or fervency. What am I passionate about? Because of my personality type, it is very easy for me to just go through the motions and get everything checked off my list. I am a worker bee, "get 'er done" kind of person - a Martha, for you biblical scholars.

So I ask, what are YOU passionate about? What is it you could spend hours and hours doing? Do you wake up feeling enthusiastic about life? Is the first day of the week your favorite or do you live from weekend to weekend? How long has it been since you couldn't sleep because you were too excited about an idea?

You can never lead something you don't care passionately about. You can't start a fire unless one is first burning in you. I have found that I spend way too much time doing things I am not passionate about.

There are many things that will catch your eye but few things that will catch your heart. Put your time and energy into those things. Associate with people of passion. As corny as that may sound, birds of a feather flock together.....and might I remind you of 1 Corinthians 15:33 "bad company corrupts good character". Be careful who you surround yourself with. Those people can either be your lifeline and help you press on in your journey or drag you down the wrong road. If you've lost your fire, get around some fire-starters. Passion is contagious.

I am asking the Lord to reignite the passion of His people....to reignite MY passion. I don't want to just go through "The Motions". I love this song by Matthew West:


I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break at least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just ok is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

No regrets not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just ok is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

So Blessed!

It seems I have a hard time keeping up with this thing amidst all of the other things life demands that I keep up with. It looks like my last post was May 11.....not good, I know. It has been an eventful couple of months with the highlight being my dad having open heart surgery on June 5. That was very unexpected but I am so thankful he came through successfully and that the Lord saw fit to grant him life. Experiences like that have a way of putting life back in perspective. So often, I find myself complaining about the every day trials and tribulations life loves to throw our way, but truly, I am SO BLESSED. My problems sometimes seem so large until I hear about the person whose loved one passed away or whose spouse or child has just been diagnosed with a terminal disease or the one who has lost their job or their house. As I type this, I'm reminded of the words to a song I used to sing as a little girl:

There's a roof up above me
I've a good place to sleep
There's food on my table
And shoes on my feet
You gave me Your love, Lord
And a fine family
So I thank You, Lord, for Your blessings on me

I know the Word says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust and that in this world we WILL have troubles. I also know that ONE DAY, it's going to be worth it all. He holds on to all our pain and with it He is pulling us closer and one day He will wipe every tear from our eyes.

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Him
Once glimpse of His dear face
All sorrow will erase
So bravely run the race
Till we see Christ!